I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
