Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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