Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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