I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
