Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
