There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
