Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I got inside last night via doggy door
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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