i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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