Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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