I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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