I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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