I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
