Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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