man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the day after is always just damage control
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
