good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
