Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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