Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
