i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
