i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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