I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
