I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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