Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
