he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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