Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I need a hoe opinion
go on
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
