Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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