so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
