i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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