im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
