i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
