whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
