I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
