Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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