doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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