piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
