sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
