I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
