1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
