It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
