Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
