i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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