Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
