you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
my poor anus
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
