Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
