And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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