the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
