I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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