Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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