At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
