What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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