The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
