Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
