cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
