i already hear my dad disowning me
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
